


Better to Have Loved and Lost

by misura



Category: Johannes Cabal - Jonathan L. Howard
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-19
Updated: 2010-12-19
Packaged: 2017-10-13 23:58:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/143103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Although not in Johannes' case, Horst doesn't think.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Better to Have Loved and Lost

**Author's Note:**

  * For [novembersmith](https://archiveofourown.org/users/novembersmith/gifts).



> This is based solely on _'Johannes Cabal the Necromancer'_ , as i have not yet had the pleasure of reading the second book.

"The homoerotic aspect _really_ doesn't bother you, does it?"

"Oh, shut up."

 

 _nine years ago, give or take_

"If you were me, the question I'd be asking would be: what's her name?" Horst said, eyeing his younger brother with a mix of curiosity and wariness. "Since you are, in fact, you though, perhaps I should ask who died?"

Johannes scowled at him. One of these days, Horst mused, the clock might strike when he did so and then Johannes would have to spend the rest of his life with a scowl on his face.

Sadly, there were times when Horst suspected it would not make much of a noticeable difference.

"I'm not going to tell you her name," Johannes informed him. "Besides," he added, trading in his scowl for a smug smile that made Horst want to hit him before hugging him and sitting him down for a good, long talk about the human condition, "she thinks you look like a douchebag."

"All the more reason to permit me an opportunity to convince her otherwise."

"She's really very observant," Johannes said. From anyone else, Horst would have interpreted the silence following the statement as a not-quite-voiced _" - for a girl."_. Given that this was Johannes however, Horst rather thought the part of the sentence that Johannes had left unspoken might run more along the lines of _" - for a human being not me."_.

On the other hand, perhaps he was being too uncharitable here. As far as Horst knew, Johannes had never been in love before - or at least not with any living, breathing human being, rather than with some experiment or theory or rare depository of knowledge that might have been penned down on human skin. It was only natural that he would experience a sense of wonder.

"I'm sure she is." Having watched Johannes attempting to talking to girls at parties, _Horst_ was experiencing a certain sense of wonder as well. True, on some occasions, Horst had perhaps acted in a way not at all helpful to Johannes's chances of making a good impression, but he'd never done anything worse than draw peope's attention to what was there, plain to see for anyone with eyes. "Where did you meet her?"

Johannes was back to scowling. "None of your business."

Horst sighed and considered pointing out that there was no way sharing that particular bit of knowledge would endanger Johannes's romance - even assuming that Horst had any intention of sabotaging Johannes's attempt at something so ordinary and normal as getting a girlfriend.

"Well, for what it's worth, I'm happy for you."

"I'm sure you are," Johannes said in a tone that stated the opposite of his words.

 

"Really, Johannes, isn't there _anything_ that puts a happy look on that face of yours? Anything at all?"

"I can think of one thing that might do the trick."

 

 _eight and a half years ago, give or take_

Horst hadn't liked the plan the first time he'd heard it. He'd listened because Johannes had come to him for help and might even have mentioned the word 'please' once or twice, before explaining the plan, at which point Horst hadn't had the heart anymore to turn him down flat.

Also, being an accountant had been fun for three months or so, yet in the fourth month it had begun to lose its shine, and taking up a new career as a - well, as someone not an accountant had sounded interesting.

"It will be perfectly safe," Johannes said, with what Horst couldn't help but feel to be an unusual amount of insight. Before he'd become an accountant, Horst had spent a brief few weeks as a lawyer; he knew quite well how to keep his feelings off his face. "We'll be in and out again well before dusk."

Horst liked that 'we'. _That_ part of the plan, he liked very much indeed, and as to the rest of it, well, he'd already made up his mind about not letting Johannes down, so that was that, really. Besides, if anyone could be relied on to know when it was safe to descend into a crypt with a vampire in it, Johannes was probably it.

Whether or not Johannes could also be relied on to bring back the dead - or one dead person in particular ... well. Horst believed that hope sprung eternal, but he wasn't really holding his breath in that department. Still, he understood Johannes wanting to have tried everything humanly possible before giving up. An ordinary person might have locked himself up in his room for two weeks to cry; Johannes had locked himself up in his room for two _months_ to read books and ruin his eyes.

"All right," he said. "Let's do this."

Johannes looked pale and a bit scared, Horst thought, when he replied with a terse nod.

"It'll be fine," Horst told him. "Trust me." That was probably pushing things a little too far, so after a moment of observing Johannes's expression, he added: "Or at least trust your own research."

"Yes," Johannes said, voice a bit hoarse. "I can do that, at least."

 

"A hundred damned souls."

"How well you know me." Johannes sounded bitter - not as if he would have expected nothing less from Horst, but rather as if, for some inexplicable reason, he had expected _more_ , and now had been disappointed.

It stung a bit, really. No matter what Johannes had done and what he was going to do, it still stung to have him sound as if Horst had let him down in some way.

"Well," Horst said, trying to sound cheerful (he'd been a barkeeper for five weeks, once; he was quite good at sounding cheerful while others were telling him about how miserable they were), "at least you're not as stuck up about sex as you used to be anymore."

Johannes scowled at him.

"There have been ... others, haven't there?" Horst clarified. "Since - "

" _Don't you dare speak her name,_ " Johannes hissed. It was an impressive hiss, really, given that unlike Horst, Johannes still had a regular set of healthy human teeth.

Horst kept quiet.

"I don't know if it's possible to choke a vampire to death - it probably isn't - but I'd be happy to give it a try. Purely out of scientific curiosity, you see," Johannes said, sounding calmer and more distant.

"Yes," Horst said. "I see." It seemed the better part of wisdom not to add _what_ he saw, exactly.

Johannes nodded sharply, once. "I will draw up a schedule. Too many of these ... transfusions might hinder my capability to function properly, so it is simply out of the question for me to provide them to you on a nightly basis, but one out of three or four nights should not pose too much of a burden."

"I ... " Horst started, not sure how to continue the sentence.

"As you pointed out, I am in your debt." Johannes looked away, possibly outside, to the Carnival, eager to get back to work. "It is the least I can do for you."

"I can find my own donors in the future, thank you very much," Horst said.

Johannes's back stiffened. "As you wish."

Horst hesitated, one hand already reaching for Johannes's shoulder - he had no intention to apologize for losing his temper for a moment, but there was some vague idea of perhaps pulling Johannes into a hug, some demonstration of, if not love, then at least a certain affection.

Before Horst could quite make up his mind though, Johannes rose and left to get dressed and, after that, to get back to do the Devil's work.

Horst sighed and lay down to wait for the dawn.


End file.
